sometimes things just don't quite seem fair

So last week...just past the 9 week point of my pregnancy I started spotting. I called the dr. immediately and they said it's probably nothing, not to worry. Fast forward three days and the spotting hadn't stopped but had increased so I scheduled an appointment. On my way in to the dr. office there was a mom, probably 8 months pregnant SMOKING. Outside the doctors office! With a small child standing next to her! I couldn't believe it.
Since I had such a great pregnancy with Aiden, and since the nurses assured me that the spotting was probably nothing, I was trying not to worry about my own situation. I had prayed for what seemed like a day straight just asking God to do his will and give me peace about whatever that may be. Deep down I was a little afraid it was bad news but I was secretly hoping that the nurses were right, we'd get another look at our new little baby and go on our merry way.
Well, the dr. came in, rambled something about "an unusually high number of girls miscarrying this week, but hopefully that's not the case here" She checked my cervix and said everything looked great. Decided to do an ultrasound and found that our little baby was actually not ok and was not alive anymore. Then she rambled something else about some options, said she was sorry and left the room to give us time to pull it together before having to walk (what seemed like the longest walk of my life) through the office and out of the waiting room.
Andrew and I just sat there stunned. This was not what we were expecting. I know that for whatever reason this was supposed to happen, I know that total peace will come and I still completely believe that we will one day be blessed with another baby. But I couldn't help but for one minute be outraged as a mom who followed every rule by the book, took prenatal vitamins religiously and wanted this baby more than I can even begin to explain...to think that I walked past a mom (that obviously I don't know and I shouldn't judge) smoking...doesn't it just seem like a gyp that she gets to have a baby and I don't? But the anger came and went. I know that life might not always seem fair but beyond that I know that God does have a specific plan for us...and really it doesn't matter what anyone else has that I don't. I know that trials are very much a real, unavoidable part of life and God can use those trials to make me stronger, make me a better mom, make me more compassionate, etc.
Now I've had some time to let it sink in. I felt like the first day was complete and total grieving but now that things are starting to settle, although I'm still sad, I am comforted with a peace that can only come from God. I know that I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams and (although I wish she wouldn't smoke while pregnant or ever really) it's ok the smoking lady is having a baby right now and I'm not (but I am still kind of sad for that little baby getting pumped with smoke before it's even out of the womb). Regardless of the fact that I'm no longer pregnant...I do have so much to be thankful for. And that is what I'm focusing on right now. I have an amazing, brilliant, hard working, loving husband who somehow always knows exactly what to do and say in tough situations. The absolute, hands down most precious boy that's ever lived. And a life that is filled with more joy than I ever dreamed of for myself. My family is so encouraging and I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. And most importantly, I have a God that although I might not always immediately understand His will...He does offer so much peace, comfort and joy even in sad times. So with that said...we're focusing on healing right now, we're counting our blessings and are anxious to see what the Lord has planned for us in the future.